Bike for sale ad gumtree via ninemsn

[Dougie]

Now THIS is your next bike, but only if you are powerful enough to tame it!

A Gumtree listing for a Merida Scultura Evo Team, which ninemsn understands to be a kind of bike, boasts about its unlikely powers.
It's so light, says owner Zinzan, that he has to tie it down before he sleeps at night so it doesn't "float away to New Zealand".
The carbon fibre was "forged in Mt Olympus", and the frame is "so stiff it featured in its own adult movie".
It corners like a race-car driver, is capable of face-melting speed that leaves the owner looking like a dissolving Nazi from Raiders of the Lost Ark, and is built on stolen Martian space technology, the ad claims.
"If you are riding this bike uphill and the top of your head starts to itch, don't freak out," the advertisement urges.
"You are growing horns because you are turning into a mountain goat. Ignore the urge to eat small shrubs and procreate with bearded lady-goats."
Though the author is silent on the wisdom of procreating with non-bearded lady-goats when riding his magic bicycle uphill, we assume it's not encouraged.
The asking price is $2000, which also covers a variety of accessories, including lube, degreaser and a seat that's "super comfy on your man bits".
No word on whether any of these items also featured in the bike's adult movie.
Ninemsn spoke to seller Zinzan Clements, who gave us the inside story.
"I came across a bloke who had this very special thing in his garage, but it just had too much power for him," he said.
"I took it on and rode it, but it was too powerful for me as well. I'm looking for someone to tame the beast.
According to Clements, the new owner will need to be able to discipline and feed the powerful machine, which eats calories and drinks sweat.
On the upside, rider safety is one of its features.
"It's impossible to fall off," he said. "Other people fall off their bikes when you ride past them, but you can't actually fall off it."
Journalism student Clements said he wrote the ad for a bit of fun rather than career development, but we're thinking of offering him an internship anyway, in exchange for a ride on his bike.